


habits

by dioramas (nuages)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, besides one casual mention there's no sex at all don't go looking for it here, it's mostly calum being mopey and introspective like always, well post-sex fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 18:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1235872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuages/pseuds/dioramas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he's never broken a pinky promise before, but first time's the charm, right?</p><p>or; calum likes the sex, no duh, but he definitely likes the post-sex talking just a teensy bit more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	habits

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know what this is, but it happened, so i'm posting it, and so. yeah.

it's become a regular thing now, he's just noticed, sleeping at 3 in the morning, waking up past 12 in the afternoon, doing shows and then falling back into their (it's really his, but they share now) bunk bed, because it's the farthest down from the lounge at the back that mikey rarely leaves and luke rarely abandons (and by abandons, he means luke rarely abandons mikey when he gets on one of his all-nighter video game sabbaticals, which is cute, but that's not the point). some nights they stay up just talking about how buzzed they are after the show and being the teenagers they kind of missed out on. some nights they act on it, which is why his is the farthest, exactly like he asked, because he knows he gets loud, obnoxiously loud even, when ashton is biting down on his skin leaving bruises and fucking him at the same time. ash used to think it hurt him, which is stupid, because _yeah, it does_ but also because _it doesn't mean i don't like it._  
  
once they figured it out (he can't remember who kissed who and what led to what), it's become almost instinctual for them to just disappear and escape into each other for a little while. they don't bother with the _what exactly are we_ 's any more, not since it became clear that it didn't really matter to them. sex was sex and so long as no one got hurt, it'd be fine. they promised each other that. pinky promised even, which isn't exactly something you can break in calum's mind.  
  
so they do it, regularly, when it feels right and they both want it, and because they're young, they do nearly all the time. of course, it doesn't mean the talking thing doesn't happen, but y'know, not just as frequently, but if calum were being completely honest, he thinks the talking is the best part, especially after the fucking, because… well, _because_. it's raw, the emotion you get from two people, and it's the only time he can get ashton to be actually serious, the only time he can get him to believe calum's being serious.  
  
"did you ever really think we were going to make it?" he asks, right after ash comes back from the bathroom in nothing but a pair of (calum's) boxers, and jumps back into the bunk with him. the older boy flips out his phone and shakes the curls on his head, scanning through twitter. when he doesn't respond, calum huffs and presses further. "i mean, we're on tour and we have a single out and stuff and… did you ever think this was actually going to, y'know, happen?"  
  
ashton looks up from his phone and smiles at him, earnestly, just an honest to goodness smile that tells him everything he needs to know, and calum laughs. "really?" he remarks, because he's in disbelief. ashton hadn't seen them starting out, trying desperately to fix luke's vocals from shaking and michael from forgetting things mid-song and calum from learning bass without owning an actual bass guitar, but he was there through the rest of it enough to know. they were a mess, and it's a wonder they ever didn't just give up.  
  
"cal, i wouldn't have joined the band full time if i didn't think there was something there," he says grinning. "besides, does it matter?"  
  
he ponders the words. does it matter? he doesn't know. he's always imagined it like this—the fame and the adoration, the constant touring and making music and having people acknowledge him for it—and he always thought it sort of came with the package of being a rock star, but he's not 12 anymore and he realizes it could have gone so many different ways. they could still be doing shows at local clubs and having only 20-something fans, they could still be going off of their parents' money and barely making by, but they aren't, so he's thankful, feels blessed even, that they've been given a once in a lifetime deal. he doesn't know if it matters, but he's definitely not going to just throw it back.  
  
they stay silent for a little while, just breathing in each other's space and trying to calm down. calum doesn't know if they're doing it for the same thing, but he gathers probably not. ashton doesn't seem like the type to have an existential crisis a few minutes after sex, but well, calum's not like most people, and facing vulnerability has never been his strongest point.  
  
"do you think we would have stayed together?" he spouts a few seconds later, but regrets it, immediately throwing back a "no never mind, that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever said." ashton laughs, a low hum that erupts in the small breathing room, and so does calum. they throw a laughing fit until they lose air ( _it's these damn bunk spaces, man_ ) it dies down, the echo the only thing left, and calum… he decides he could get used to it. he could get used to laughter between people who understand him. he could get used to going around the world with people who understand him. he could get used to the screaming and the overwhelming feeling with people who understand him. he could get used to hanging out with his best friends, spending the rest of his life with just them, no matter what price they're selling tickets at, because they're people who understand him—but he figures he kind of already has.  
  
"it doesn't matter", he says. ashton grins, and extends his arms as wide as they can fit in the confined space, and calum, well, he slides in like he always does and sighs. "do you think we would…" he trails off, can't even bother to think about it, but he can feel the way ashton's body tenses in his arms and he knows that _he knows_ , that the way he can't finish it means something else. they rarely discuss _this_ , whatever it is they're doing, but it hangs in the air like smoke waiting to fill up their lungs all the time, and a person can only hold their breath in for so long before they have to take it all in.  
  
he feels the older boy's lips press on his forehead, then on his lips, slowly and sweetly like calum could break any second, and it's weird. weird because that tells him everything, but then, ashton is weird, he's surmised, always finding ways to answer him without ever speaking, always comforting him of the slightest doubts in a way the others never figured out.  
  
(he can't remember who kissed who and what led to what, but he remembers that he's always known, that the thought of ashton making him feel painful and happy inside was enough to tell him he was well and truly gone for the older boy with the green eyes and the curls and the dimples.)  
  
ashton breathes in his scent a few times, and then pulls back. he smiles, and calum lulls him to sleep a few minutes after, holds him right where he wants him, traces the features of his face, his body, his everything, until he's run out of ashton and does it all over again. he runs out of ashton every night, doesn't get enough of him, and he does it over and over and over and over until ashton in reality isn't enough and ashton in his dreams is.  
  
he could get used to it: sleeping at 3 in the morning, waking up past 12 in the afternoon, doing shows and then falling back into their bunk bed, but he figures he already has. he could get used to ashton irwin, but he figures he already has. and if maybe he wants to get used to ashton irwin being something else for him, well, he figures with the way ashton never says i love you _but always does_ , he already has.  
  
(he's never broken a pinky promise before, but first time's the charm, right?)


End file.
